i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
