8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
