do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
