i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
