Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
