I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize