Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
