Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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