New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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