So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
