I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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