Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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