rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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