what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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