I want to stick my p in your. b.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
