Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
