I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize