Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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