You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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