I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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