One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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