Moan for me like Helen Keller
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
