im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So apparently I’m into choking now
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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