Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
