Non-Jews are for practice
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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