The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
