Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
