I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Green mimosas i think yes
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize