Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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