I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
