You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
