I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
