I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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