Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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