I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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