walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
