i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
