Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
