I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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