The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
