Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
