all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
