I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize