yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
this will be a night to untag.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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