I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
This gyro tastes like lonliness
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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