Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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