I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize