Will you blow on my dice?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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