i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
