why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
my poor anus
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
