I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
