if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
