He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize