He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
