Rock
Scissors
Fuck
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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