i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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