But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize