I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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