we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
