you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Randomize
