I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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