He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
