fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
