found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
