OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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