We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
