quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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