you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
