she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
