So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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