he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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