belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
