OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
