Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
