My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
