Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
