Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
